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{Train of Thoughts}

I am just truly honored that many of y'all would actually email me your problems 
&even share with me your pains.
Some of these mails just brings tears to my eyes &I wanted so badly to give you a hug,
to tell you to not give a damn but then again,
how can you do that?
It's not easy as it sounds
&words do hurt about a million times more than physical pain. 
How some can just put you down based on your physical appearance,
how they can go about making fun of you just cause you're 'bigger' in size,
how some of y'all just feel bad bout your looks.
I can never give you the reassurance that you need to make it all better cause I know that ultimately,
it is you that can make it all better. 
I know it is hard to ignore what others say,
to not feel any pain from those blunt words that are ringing in your ears,
to not let it affect you, not even the slightest bit. 
The very first time that I was attacked on social media was almost a year back.
The comment was directed at how my 'assets' aren't big enough,
how if I think that I am perfect then I am naive,
how I am ugly,
how I am not good enough.
Needless to say, 
those words caught me like a deer in the headlights 
&hit me so hard that I just broke down, questioning my self-worth. 
*Thanking my lucky stars*
The boy was there with me.
(even though, frankly, none of what he said for the first few hours had any effect on me)
It was only when I finally cleared my thoughts, 
allowing what he was saying to sink in
&receiving the reassurance from my friends 
&of course, 
support that y'all that gave
that I realized I can't please everyone&I can't expect everyone to like me.
There are always gonna be haters, there are always gonna be people trying to bring you down
&letting what they say/do get to you is like letting them win the fight.
Only the opinions of those who truly cares, matters yes?
&I have never thought that I am perfect anyways.
I know that I am where I am today based on pure hardwork
& a little bit of luck,
it was not cause I am pretty or anything.
Plus, I am probably the most hot-tempered& un-glamest person on Earth.
What I am trying to say here is basically to master 
"the art of not giving a damn".
Not easy but it's really all in the mind
&I actually don't even feel a thing when I get hate comments now.
It is always the very first one that hit you so hard
 that you learn to toughen up,
realizing why do you even care bout what they think?
I don't even know who most of these people are 
&what their opinions of you isn't worth 1/100 of what YOU think about yourself. 
For those that think that I am ugly,
all I can say is that;
I am sorry that you don't like what you see,
that I don't fit into what you deem as perfect
 &I guess you can hop over to a super model's account now.
Thank you for spending your time to type this comment yo. 
The lesser you give a damn, 
the easier your life will be.

 photo evillaughter_zpsb4450c74.gif

&I actually like having hate comments based on my physique,
quite crazy I know, but I take them as critics instead.
It's 'feedback' like these that help me  know where to improve,
where to work on
&of course, push myself to work even harder. 
bad comments can't exactly be bad,
what matters is your take on it. 
You can turn it into a way whereby it will actually benefit you instead.
As for doubting your looks, 
I guess I am not one to lecture bout it. 
I can totally get what you mean when you wake up each day feeling crappy about your appearance.
Thinking how you have fat thighs/arms/tummy
&even having people pointing it out to you,
doesn't really help at all.
Well, I'm not exactly a 'confident' person
but here's what I usually do, 
don't look at the mirrors at all, repeat to yourself that you are feeling great in your skin
&remind yourself how this is a brand new day.
Sounds a little silly but it does the trick :p
Some of y'all may be thinking how I don't even know what it really feels like,
that it's easy for me to say.
I guess many girls probably have this "crazy period" in their life whereby 
their self-esteem is right next to the zero marker
&no matter how much confirmation you receive from others that you look fine,
it just doesn't work
&you sink into this crazy auto-pilot mode 
whereby your mind just rejects food.
I was there.
Surviving on lesser than a meal each day,
feeling 'fat' even when my bones are sticking out,
smiling when there was a drastic drop in my weight.
Even though it was a really short phrase in my life,
I guess it could have done some crazy damage. 
I'm aware that this is still going on right now, 
that there is still many out there not eating/ forcing food outta their mouth.
I can't tell y'all what to do/ what not to do 
but let me put this is a real straightforward manner,
Treat yourself right,
reward your body with the right nutrients,
work out to release endorphins (feel-good hormones),
give your body ample amount of rest
&hang out more with your favorite people!
I know what I shared here may not be powerful enough to change some of your views
but at least, 
I hope it managed to trigger some of your thoughts
&get you thinking a little.