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{Being 23}

It's 2016 &&& I AM 23!
Hookayy, this hasn't exactly sank in yet even though my birthday was in Jan. 
I still have the habit of writing 22 under the age column when filling up forms hahah
Not sure if I am the only one feeling this way 
but damn, 
being 23 is scaryyyy.
It may be just a year's gap between 22 - 23 but it sure doesn't feel as nice to be a 23yo 
as compared to a 22yo.
Like you suddenly feel so ooooold (no offence to anyone)
& it's really kinda scary how you are supposed to be an actual adult now haha 
Wonder if I am the only one who feels this way?

So why is being 23 totally different from being 22?
I can't actually put a finger to it though.
Where should I start?
Hookayy, you know how you have been pushing some responsibilities aside?
Thinking "oh, its fine, I will come back to it in the future."
Now, we HAVE to face those responsibilities cause we ain't kids/"young" anymore.
It's really funny how when I was 14, I wished that I could celebrate my sweet 16 ASAP
&when I'm 16, I'm looking forward to being 18.
Of course,
when I was 18, I just can't wait to be 21 when I'm legal & stuff.
It's when I'm 23 that I wished that
I didn't spent so much time wishing to be older.
I wish that I spent that time enjoying every moment in my life
&living in the moment.

Another thing bout being 23/just growing up in general,
is that I feel that as I grow older, my circle of friends shrink.
I have had my fair share of nasty friendships
& I gotta admit that it is really tough for me to trust people now.
It's like it has became a phobia
&I just kinda automatically shut new people from entering into my life.
I'm forever grateful for my group of friends that I have w me now
cause they have seen me at my worst & have still stuck w me.
They are basically my pillars of strength heh
They loved me even wayyyy before I was "sugarrandspice", hookayy, you get the point.
There are also just too many complications when you have tons of friends
& I'm always skeptical bout meeting new ones
cause I'm not sure if I can fully trust them/ if I will have to go through what I did in the past again.
Losing friends is never easy.
To me,
it feels like someone has died cause it will never be the same again
& often, the person will most probably be outta your life after the fallout.
I also have these huge huge walls that I built subconsciously to prevent me from getting hurt.
I know it can be quite bad at times cause I may be losing out on opportunities to meet
new awesome people & let them into my life
but I just can't help it you know?
It's like after going through all that sh*t you realised that
its the quality of your friendships that matter & not the quantity.
I also happen to have the bestest friends anyone could ever ask for
so why is there a need for new ones?

I'm also pretty much a worry bug so I tend to overthink A LOT.
I'm not sure if it's cause I am becoming more "mature"
but I have been thinking way too much bout life & death.
As I grow older,
I'm worry more and more about losing my loved ones
& I become more aware of the various types of sicknesses that we may acquire as we aged.
Some nights,
I would lay in bed thinking bout why cancers needa exist,
what will happen if I were to lose someone close to my heart,
why are there so many people suffering in the world,
why are we so fragile etc.
Is this what people call the mid-life crisis? HAHAH JK!
I just can't help thinking bout them you know?
I have also became pretty paranoid whenever I feel pain & when experiencing any abnormalities
cause I'm not that "young" anymore haha

I'm most definitely feel the pressure of needing to know what I wanna do w my life
cause I'm already 23:/
Since I'm graduating this year,
I feel like I HAVE TO know exactly what I want to do at this point in life.
Some of my besties are already planning their weddings
(one of them is even getting married this year)
& I'm like " I don't even think I can handle my life, much less another person's."
Really needa give it up to them for having things all planned out @ 23.

Here are a few more tiny stuff that I feel that I should share:

1. You know how you have this list of things you wanna accomplish by 25?
Ya, there's like only 2 more years left to achieve them hahah

2. You don't feel young anymore cause you're not the youngest one in the group.

3. My appetite started to shrink & my metabolism isn't as high anymore ):

4. I prefer hanging out w my fam at night instead of having a "nightlife".

5. You start to feel like time is passing by quicker and quicker.

Am I the only one who feels like this? :/
All these cons aside,
I think it is really time to make the most outta your life
&be the very best version of yourself as you can be.
Stop wasting time wishing for things & start working towards reaching it.
Oh, I also forgot bout how as I grow older,
I start to appreciate everything even more.
I think it is really important to be grateful for what you have
instead of focusing on what you don't have.
There will always before someone better than you/ have something better than you
but there will always be someone who isn't doing as well as you are.
Josh once shared something w me
& I will constantly remind myself bout what he said cause
there's just too much truth in it.
Here's what he said:
"You are never gonna get the same thing as other people, it's never gonna be equal.
It's never gonna happen ever in your life so, you must learn that now.
The only time you should look in your neighbour's bowl is to make sure that they have enough.
You don't look in your neighbour's bowl to see if you have... as much as them."
Think he saw the quote somewhere hahah
So yeap,
I have also learnt to be more contented :}
Here's to being even better than who we are yesterday
& if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me an email.
You're never alone & stay strong!